The Quickest Way To End Heartache

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Welcome to Day 33 and Module 6 of the Moms Wear Capes Superwoman Blueprint.

I’m so excited for this Module that encompasses – How To Turn Pain Into Profit.

Our first guest expert in the How To Turn Pain Into Profit Module is Ellen Smoak, relationship coach, breakup therapist, and overall badass entrepreneur.

Ellen discusses the foundational pain story that every woman dreads: a breakup.  This wasn’t just “some guy” Ellen lived with – it was her fiance and the man she planned to spend the rest of her life with.  

He had made *promises* to her that he couldn’t keep.

To put it lightly, Ellen’s pain was monumental.  

She refers to the Kubler Ross Five Stages of Grief Cycle below:

Then our heroine took a “big girl timeout” and spent 30 days praying, seeking answers, seeking consolation from her big loving Higher Power, and coming to grips with the raw truth that people so infrequently come to terms with.

Here’s what she learned:

Do not punish your partner for having process.

Do not punish your partner for having been there and walked with you… as far as he or she could go…

Ellen believes that she was able to fly at lightning speed through the initial four stages of grief with her “Big Girl Time Out” because she allowed herself the space to FEEL the pain of her loss, but also forced herself to face it instead of bury it.

How often do you move past pain in your life by “keeping busy”?

How often are you unable to feel the pain of a loss because your children require nearly all your time and attention?

Mothers are particularly vulnerable to blocked energy from grief because they are physically unable to take these “Big Girl Time-Outs” while raising children.

Your challenge today is to lean into the memories of heartache that you’ve experienced this year.   Perhaps you:

  • Saw a parent or loved one move on to the next life.
  • Lost a business partner or trusted advisor.
  • Were backstabbed by somebody you trusted.
  • Lost a lover.


Whatever the pain you experienced, I want you to lean into it with gratitude today.  Thank your Higher Power for bringing you through it.  Thank the person who failed you for walking as far as he or she could go before abandoning you.  Thank the universe for the loved one you lost to the next life – and thank that person for his or her impact on this one.

Once you’ve given gratitude for these people, no matter how grievous their insult or how permanent the loss you face, coordinate a Big Girl Time Out.

Ideally, you’ll have a half a day or more to go to a spa, go on a hike, ride horses, or do something otherwise meditative to focus on this experience.

During your Big Girl Time Out, allow yourself to:

  • Scream in a pillow
  • Cry
  • Write letters that you’ll never send

But above all else, take the time you may not have taken earlier this month, year, or decade to feel all the emotions that your pain deserved.

Rest in those beautiful feminine emotions.

Then, continue to give gratitude.

Maybe you won’t make the same mistake again.

Maybe you’ve grown to value our life and time that much more.

Maybe you’ve become more independent.

And you’re definitely stronger.

Honor your pain before you move on so that you can truly become empowered by it.

Are you ready?  You need a time-out, mama!


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