[MM_Member_Decision membershipId=’2|5|6′] Whether you’re in a committed relationship or just casually dating around, your intimacy can be sabotaged indefinitely and perpetually by one thing: your expectations.
You may think your expectations of another person are a good thing. After all, you want the best for him or her and know that he wants to show up in his best self for you, too.
However, when we box another person into what we “think” is best for them or for the relationship, we suffer to give and receive unconditional love.
- Intimacy suffers
- Autonomy suffers
- Freedom suffers
… And suddenly somebody isn’t loving you for you, they’re loving you to satisfy your expectations.
On camera with Colette Davenport we recall a story about a woman who spent the majority of an otherwise lighthearted barbeque taking stabs at her husband about things he wasn’t doing around her house. “We don’t have a workout room. We don’t have nano walls. We don’t have high ceilings. What the hell, you’re an architect!”
Colette responds with insight into how this woman’s nudging and finger wagging isn’t love, it’s expectation and attachment, which love doesn’t actually have.
There’s no energy of attachment and expectation in unconditional love.
Let’s do something really raw now. Let’s dig into some of the expectations and attachments you’ve put on your partner or friends.
Let’s explore ways we can identify these attachments and then let them go.
Unconditional love means, “I love you regardless of material things.”
“I love you regardless of what you do for me.”
The best part of that story?
On the other side, your lover WANTS to authentically show you his or her love.
Autonomy is key to allowing a couple to remain in the exotic place of being interesting and unique in a relationship.
What’s more, it allows masculinely expressed partners to not feel suffocated and lash out, like they were caged lions.
In this exercise, take note of 3-5 things you’ve held over your partner with attachment or expectations.
It could be his or her contribution to household chores, income, or help with your child.
Practice envisioning how you will look, sound, and feel when you let that shit go.
Now watch as your partner rises up to the “calling” of your heart, in full freedom and expression of his or her love for you.[/MM_Member_Decision]